“I’ve lost all confidence in myself.” If that thought has been on repeat in your head lately, know you’re not alone. And know that just because you’ve lost it, doesn’t mean you can’t get it back. I know exactly what it feels like to wake up one day and wonder where tf your confidence has gone. There’s been many moments in my life where I’ve felt like my self esteem has hit rock bottom and I don’t have an ounce of self confidence left. 

Old me would’ve hit snooze, rolled over, put on an eye mask, and tried to get more sleep. But I’m stepping into a new version of myself — the hottest, happiest, healthiest version. (Full disclosure: I did not feel hot or happy that morning). I grumpily dragged myself out of bed when a thought hit me: “Wouldn’t it be lovely to make a coffee and go for a walk?” Old me was screaming. Absolutely not. But the ‘between’ version of me remembered a commitment I’d made to myself.

At 29, my life completely fell apart. My plans to move to Bali with my boyfriend of five years disappeared overnight when he ended our relationship, over a Facebook Messenger call. Overnight, the life I thought I was going to have just disappeared. I couldn’t have felt more behind if I tried. But choosing who I was going to become, rewriting my future story and embracing a fresh start, stopped me from letting that bombshell destroy my 30s. I’m about to show you the first step to making your 30s the greatest decade of your life — you ready?

You don’t actually hate how you look. You hate the way society has trained you to feel about the way you look. Think about it. From the moment us millennials were old enough to flick through a magazine, we were bombarded with “ideal” body types and edited images that made us question every inch of ourselves. It’s no wonder so many of us carry this quiet (or not-so-quiet) war with our own reflection. But your body isn't the problem. It never had been.

As I celebrate turning 34, I thought I’d share the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past 12 months. I truly believe there is so much we can learn from each other’s stories and experiences. My hope is that in sharing mine, something will resonate with you, inspire you, or maybe even spark a lesson of your own. So grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine) and a notebook—because here are 12 important life lessons in your 30s that I’ve learned this past year.

I’m guessing there are a lot of things you’ve thought about doing in your 30s: quitting your job to start a business, switching careers, dating differently, moving abroad, making a shit tonne of money, or maybe just cutting your hair short and dyeing it pink. But here’s the thing: it’s not the how that’s stopping you, it’s the fear of judgement. I’m about to share one powerful sentence that can destroy that fear in seconds, so you can live your 30s however the fuck you want to.

Being the villain in your thirties doesn’t mean you’re evil. It doesn’t mean you’re out here intentionally hurting people or being rude for the sake of it. What it really means is this: you’re finally prioritising your needs, speaking up for yourself, and refusing to settle into a life that doesn’t make you happy. If you’ve been people-pleasing, settling, or staying quiet when you should have spoken up, now’s the time to step into your villain era.

You don’t feel behind because you’re not there yet. You feel behind because you’re still letting Instagram decide where “there” even is. But we’re not doing that anymore. We’re washing our hands, starting fresh, and getting you out of this spiral of thinking you’re not good enough or haven’t achieved enough. Because here’s the truth: you are not behind.

You don’t have to wait for the big milestones to start living your best life. You don’t have to wait until you’re married, until you’ve bought a house, until you’ve had children, or until you’ve travelled to 40 countries. You don’t have to wait until you’ve hit any kind of milestone to start living a life you love, a life you’re obsessed with, a life that feels good every single day.

I know myself well enough to know I’m not gonna stick to this five-year plan, but sometimes having one anyway just makes me feel good about myself. I’m sharing how I’ve used my five-year vision to map out an actionable plan that feels exciting, doable, and not overwhelming (even with ADHD).

One of my absolute favourite exercises is vision building. And to make sure I don’t wake up at 40 thinking, oh my god, why has my life not changed in the last five years?, I’m creating a brand new five-year vision to anchor me into the future I want. And because I know I’m not the only one who feels like this (aka scared of being stuck in the same place) I’m taking you along with me in this process.

It feels a little bit scary admitting this, but honestly? I am scared that nothing will change in the next five years. I realised the other day that in five and a half years’ time, I’ll be 40. And if I think about where my life is right now, if I got to 40 and it was exactly the same as it is now, I’m terrified.

We’ve all made mistakes, right? My twenties were mistake after mistake and whilst I’m definitely still making some in my thirties, there are 7 mistakes I’ve stopped making so I thought I’d share those with you. Not because I’ve got it all figured out because let’s be honest, I definitely don’t, but because I’ve stopped pretending that I should have it all figured out.

You not taking yourself out on regular solo dates in your thirties is something we need to sort out ASAP. Solo dating isn’t just a cute TikTok trend, it’s a radical act of self-worth and confidence. Keep reading as I break down the beliefs and barriers stopping you from dating yourself, show you simple tricks to remove solo date anxiety, and help you schedule your very first solo date.

If you’re a single 30-something, child-free, maybe living with your parents, and you’ve been made to feel like you’re “behind” because of it—or worse, convinced yourself that you’re late to life because you’re not where you thought you’d be—this is for you.

As a 30-something, if you’ve ever sat there and thought to yourself “Why do I feel so lost?”, “Everyone else seems to have figured it out.” or “I should know what I want by now.”, this is the episode for you. The truth is you’re not behind, you’re not a failure and you’re definitely not alone. 

If you've ever found yourself spiralling after missing red flags in dating (especially after all the therapy, solo healing and personal growth work you’ve done) this one's for you. Maybe you’re thinking, “How the fuck did I fall for that?” or “I should’ve known better.” 

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a "got a boyfriend yet?" or watched everyone around you tick off life milestones while you’re still getting your shit together, this one’s for you.

I used to wonder if the kind of man I wanted to date even existed, or if I was just asking for too much. Whilst I very much believe my dream relationship exists, I’d never actually had my own proof that that was the case. But a recent Hinge match proved something powerful: it’s not about lowering your standards, it’s about holding them—and trusting that the right person will meet you there.

There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.