7 Mistakes I’ve Stopped Making Now I'm In My 30s

This blog post was adapted from the transcript of the podcast episode below. Listen now or read on for the highlights:

7 Mistakes I’ve Stopped Making Now I'm In My 30s

We’ve all made mistakes, right? My twenties were mistake after mistake and whilst I’m definitely still making some in my thirties, there are 7 mistakes I’ve stopped making so I thought I’d share those with you. Not because I’ve got it all figured out because let’s be honest, I definitely don’t, but because I’ve stopped pretending that I should have it all figured out.

Your 30s aren’t about perfection. They’re about growth, self‑respect, and finally putting down all the shit you used to carry around in your 20s. From chasing red flags to ignoring my own needs, these are the behaviours I’ve left behind so I can live with more confidence, more peace, and a whole lot more self‑respect.

If you’ve been reflecting on your own life and wondering is it just me?, this is your reminder: it’s not just you. You’re not behind. You’re becoming the version of yourself who knows better and does better.

So let’s dive in.

1. Not Wearing SPF (Seriously, Protect Your Skin)

I have very few regrets in life, but this one? Not wearing sunscreen in my 20s is a huge regret.

I spent years living in sunny countries - Thailand, Australia, Honduras - where SPF was not optional, but I treated it like it was. At first, I wore sunscreen regularly, but after a while I was constantly tanned and thought, oh, I don’t need it anymore. Big mistake. Huge.

Now, my skin tells the story. Pigmentation, blotchiness, and sun damage that could have been prevented if I’d just listened to everyone who told me to wear SPF. I’ve spent the last few years using serums like Caudalie Vinoperfect and Clinique’s Dark Spot Corrector (which’ve helped a lot) but the damage is still there.

Lesson learned: I now wear SPF 50 every single day in summer and SPF 30 in winter. I also wear hats when it’s hot to protect my skin further. Tanned skin fades, but sun damage lasts.

Please, if you’re reading this in your 20s or 30s, make sunscreen your best friend. It’s not about looking cute in the moment, it’s about protecting your future self.

2. Caring More About Others’ Opinions Than My Own

This one has been a game‑changer: I care more about what I think of me than what anyone else thinks of me.

Do I never care what people think? Of course not. As a coach, content creator, and business owner, of course I sometimes worry about how I’ll be perceived. But here’s the difference: my opinion of myself always carries more weight than anyone else’s.

If I love myself, respect myself, and feel proud of what I’m doing, that’s what matters. No one else’s approval can match that feeling. And when I’m disappointed in myself, that hits harder than any outside criticism ever could.

This shift didn’t happen overnight, but it’s made my 30s so much more peaceful. My validation comes from within.

(If this is something you struggle with, read this next: how to stop giving af what people think of you)

3. People‑Pleasing and Ignoring My Own Needs

This has been one of the hardest patterns to break: being a “good girl,” people‑pleasing, and ignoring my own needs.

I used to say yes to everything - family obligations, work requests, social plans - because I didn’t want to upset anyone. But all that did was create resentment. I sacrificed my time, energy, and happiness to keep other people comfortable.

In my 30s, I practice the opposite. I honour my needs first. Does that mean I’m selfish? No. It means I’m balanced.

I learned the hard way that saying yes when you mean no builds long‑term bitterness in relationships. Saying no might create temporary discomfort, but it prevents resentment and keeps relationships healthier in the long run.

Pro tip for recovering people‑pleasers: Remember you’re not responsible for how other people react to your boundaries. Need help entering your villain era? I’ve got you.

4. Running Toward Red Flags Instead of Away

Ah, red flags. In my 20s, I didn’t just ignore them, I sprinted toward them.

I loved the thrill of a chase. If a guy seemed like a challenge, I was in. My dating history was full of walking red flags, and I convinced myself I could fix them or win them over. Spoiler: that never ended well.

Now? I don’t play that game. If I see red flags, I walk away. I know better, and I do better. It took years of dating disasters to get here, but learning to trust my instincts and run from red flags has saved me so much heartache.

If you’re in your 30s and still attracting red flags, know this: it’s not too late to change your patterns. I talk about this a lot more on The Date With Confidence Podcast, but the short version is this: your standards set the tone for the relationships you attract.

5. Hiding How I Really Feel (Even With Friends)

For years, I struggled to be honest with my friends about how I was feeling. Why? Because when I was 22, a friend once told me I “made everything about myself” when I tried to share something personal. That comment stuck with me for over a decade.

It made me second‑guess opening up. I kept conversations surface‑level, avoided asking for help, and downplayed my struggles because I didn’t want to seem selfish.

But here’s the truth: real friends want to know how you’re doing. They want honesty, not perfection. Once I started opening up again, my friendships became so much deeper, stronger, and more supportive.

If you’ve ever felt like you can’t share your struggles, I get it. But bottling things up doesn’t serve you or your relationships. Vulnerability builds connection.

6. Running Away From My Problems Instead of Processing Them

In my 20s, I was the queen of running away. After a breakup? I booked flights. Thailand, Australia, anywhere that wasn’t Essex. I convinced myself that changing location would erase the pain. But of course, the problems always followed me.

One breakup in particular haunted me for years because I never processed it. I just drank, partied, and ran away. I didn’t actually heal until much later.

Fast forward to my last big breakup (the five‑year relationship I thought would last forever). I couldn’t run because the pandemic kept me stuck at home. And honestly? That was the best thing for me. For the first time, I had no choice but to sit with my feelings, process the grief, and actually heal.

It was hard, painful, and uncomfortable. But it worked. Now, I don’t run from my problems. I face them, even when every part of me wants to hit the self‑destruct button. Because healing only happens when you deal with what’s in front of you.

7. Trusting Others’ Opinions Over My Intuition

This one is huge: I no longer let other people’s opinions override my intuition.

A recent example: I was dating someone earlier this year, and one small incident made me instantly check out. My gut said, nope, we’re done here. But when I told my friends, they said I was overreacting, that he was a good guy, that I should give him a chance.

They meant well, but my intuition was crystal clear. So I trusted myself, ended things, and I have no regrets.

That’s the thing about intuition, it doesn’t always make sense in the moment, but it’s always right for you. The more you practice listening to it, the stronger it becomes. And now? Following my gut comes naturally.

Your 30s Aren’t About Perfection

So those are the seven mistakes I’ve stopped making in my 30s. But here’s the truth: your 30s aren’t about getting everything right. You’re still supposed to fuck up, still supposed to learn, still supposed to grow.

Every mistake you make teaches you something valuable. And when you look back in 10 years, you’ll see how far you’ve come because of the mistakes, not in spite of them.

If any of these mistakes hit home for you, don’t panic. Awareness is the first step to change. Now that you know better, you get to do better.

Remember this: You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re evolving. And your 30s are the perfect time to raise your standards, own your confidence, and become the love of your own life.

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Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.

If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. Get a front row seat to how I’m building a confident life in my 30s (and how you can too) here.

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