Stop Relying On Them To Make You Feel Good In Your 30s (Do This Now)
Relying on other people to make you feel good is 20-something behaviour. You’re in your 30s now, it’s time to build a deeper connection with yourself, improve your confidence and increase your sense of self-love.
Instead of waiting for somebody else to tell you that you're hot, to make you feel happy, or to help you improve your health, it’s time to look at how you can do all those things for yourself, right now.
In this blog post, I’m sharing how I went from relying on men and relationships to validate me in my 20s, to learning how to make myself feel confident, magnetic, and grounded in my 30s. And I’ll show you exactly how you can feel hotter, happier, and healthier today, without waiting for milestones, weight loss, or someone else’s approval.
Why Relying on Others Never Works
When I was in my twenties, I spent a lot of time relying on other people to make me feel good about myself.
I relied on men to make me feel attractive, to make me feel hot, to make me feel like I was worthy or good enough. I relied on their attention to validate me and boost my confidence.
The problem? That reliance on external validation meant that every time I went through a breakup, I came out the other side with my confidence at rock bottom.
Suddenly, I wasn’t hearing compliments anymore. Nobody was saying, “You look great today,” or “You’re so hot.” And without those voices, I felt worse than ever. I hated my body. I felt worthless. I didn’t know who I was without someone else telling me I was good enough.
That was the moment I realised: if I didn’t start being the one to validate myself, I’d always be chasing that feeling in someone else.
Don’t miss The Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit get instant access for free now:
Hot, Happy, Healthy Starts With You
You don’t need to wait to hit a milestone, to buy new gym gear, or to be in a relationship to start feeling good.
You don’t need to wait until your body looks a certain way to feel hot
You don’t need to wait until you’ve achieved enough to feel happy
You don’t need to wait until you’ve got the energy to workout to start making healthy choices
You can become the person who is dedicated to feeling hot, happy, and healthy right now, with the body you’re in today.
Even if you’re in a relationship and receiving that external validation regularly, this still applies. Because if that person suddenly wasn’t there anymore, you wouldn’t want to come out of the relationship feeling like you didn’t love yourself, or feeling worthless without them.
How to Feel Hot Right Now
You don’t sit around and wait to become hotter. You don’t need to go to the gym seven days a week or drop a dress size to start. You start embodying hotness today. You act like you’re hot as fuck.
That could look like:
Walking down the street with your shoulders back, owning the space
Dressing in clothes that make you smile when you look in the mirror
Wearing perfume that makes you feel magnetic and confident (I have one that instantly makes me feel attractive, and I always wear it on first dates)
When you feel attractive to yourself, you’ll naturally exude that energy to others. Though let’s be honest, you don’t need to be attractive for anyone else. This is about being attractive for you.
How to Feel Happier in Your 30s
Happiness isn’t something that “happens to you” once life falls into place. It’s something you get to create for yourself, in the smallest ways, every day.
Start by doing one tiny thing a day that brings you joy:
Dance around your living room to your favourite songs
Watch a film you love
Go for a walk in nature
Paint, write, or draw
Happiness comes from those micro-moments of pleasure and joy you give yourself, not from waiting for someone else to take you out or plan something fun. And if no one’s said this to you recently, you don’t have to wait until you’ve earned happiness, i.e. you don’t have to completed your to do list or finished a project or cleaned the house to deserve fun.
How to Feel Healthier Right Now
You don’t need to wait until you’ve reached your weight goal or can smash out 10 push-ups before you start acting like the healthiest version of yourself.
Ask: What would the healthiest version of me do today?
Maybe she would:
Drink two litres of water
Go for a short walk to get some fresh air
Swap her afternoon snack for apple slices and almond butter (or still eat the chocolate bar if that’s what she really wants because balance matters and we don’t believe in denying ourselves pleasure, do we?)
It’s about making choices from your future self, not your current one. When you start embodying that healthiest version of you now, you’ll get there so much faster.
Define Your Future Identity
This is where it all comes together. To feel hot, happy, and healthy now, you need to know who your future self actually is.
That’s why I created the Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit — it has journal prompts to help you define your hottest, happiest, healthiest version of yourself. When you’re clear on that identity, it’s so much easier to make aligned decisions every single day.
Ask yourself:
How does she dress?
How does she walk into a room?
What choices does she make about food, movement, and self-care?
What kind of energy does she give off?
And then start being her today. Get instant access to the Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit below:
Use Confidence Anchors to Step Into That Energy
One of my favourite ways to embody my future identity is through confidence anchors — things like perfume, lipstick, jewellery, or clothing that instantly shift my energy.
I have a perfume that makes me feel magnetic, confident, and sexy. I wear it on first dates because it connects me to that energy.
I have another perfume that feels light, fresh, and fun — it reminds me of summer holidays and happy memories, so I use it when I want to boost my mood.
You can choose anchors that help you feel powerful, grounded, playful, or whatever vibe you want to step into. The point is, they remind you of who you’re choosing to become.
Stop Waiting and Start Being
The biggest takeaway? Stop waiting for life to “happen” to you.
Don’t wait until you’re in a relationship, don’t wait until you’ve hit a milestone, don’t wait until you’ve changed your body.
Start dressing, walking, eating, and showing up as the hottest, happiest, healthiest version of yourself today.
That’s how you’ll make your 30s the best, most magnetic, most powerful decade of your life so far.
Make Your 30s Hot, Happy, and Healthy Now
Nobody else is responsible for your confidence, your happiness, or your health. That’s on you (which means you’re fully in control - yayy!).
When you start making choices from your future self instead of your current one, you’ll naturally step into that identity faster. And the best part? You’ll actually enjoy the journey.
So grab the Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit, break up with the mindsets holding you back, and start living like the version of you who already feels hot as fuck, happy, and healthy, right now.
Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.
If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. It’s time to make your 30s the hottest, happiest, healthiest decade of your life. Here’s how.
If your breakup ended with a bunch of unanswered questions that are stopping you from living your life and keeping you stuck in the loop of “I wonder what he’s up to now…”, I want you to know this: You don’t need closure from him. You don’t need to ask him why. You don’t need to send that one last message. What you do need is a no-BS game plan to stop dwelling on what happened and start getting tf over this breakup. And that’s exactly what this blog post is.