Destroy Your Fear Of Being Judged In Your 30s
This blog post was adapted from the transcript of the podcast episode below. Listen now or read on for the highlights:
I’m guessing there are a lot of things you’ve thought about doing in your 30s: quitting your job to start a business, switching careers, dating differently, moving abroad, making a shit tonne of money, or maybe just cutting your hair short and dyeing it pink.
But here’s the thing: it’s not the how that’s stopping you, it’s the fear of judgment.
What will your friends say if you start earning more than them? What will your family think if you become an influencer? What will your colleagues think if you go for that huge promotion? Will the stranger on the tube laugh at your hair?
I’m about to share one powerful sentence that can destroy that fear in seconds, so you can live your 30s however the fuck you want to.
The truth is, you will be judged
In 2017 I quit my job to move to Honduras and start a business as a social media manager. This meant posting daily on Facebook and Instagram to build a network of potential clients. Nobody understood what I was doing. Before I shared each new post, a little voice in my head would say “your Facebook friends will laugh at this post” but I’d push it aside and post it anyway.
A few months later, at dinner with some friends, one of them laughed about our mutual friend going live on Facebook. Now the judgement I’d thought was in my head became my reality. Because I was going live on Facebook too. And if my friend could judge someone else for that, she was probably judging me too.
When I made the decision to become a Confidence & Life Coach in 2018, my boyfriend at the time told me “you can’t be a life coach at 27”. My dad laughed and told me “you’re not confident enough”, and my friends burst into laughter when I talked about the offers I was putting out into the world.
After 7 weeks of dating, I ended things with a great guy because he hadn’t made the bed when I visited his flat for the first time. To me, that was a sign of mismatched effort. A couple of friends thought I was overreacting, and when I shared it on my podcast, men on the internet judged me for being ‘too picky.’
Here’s the truth: you’ll always be judged. But the people worth listening to? They won’t be the ones doing it.
This powerful sentence will destroy your fear of being judged
Let this sentence sink in: No one who is where you want to be in life will judge you.
No one who has achieved what you desire will laugh at you for trying.
No one who you admire will think you’re ridiculous for going after your goals.
The successful business owners are so busy locked in on their goals, they won’t be judging you for your marketing attempts.
The loved up couples with their soulmates, won’t be judging your dating profile or your dating standards.
The rich friend who never has to stress about money isn’t going to judge your desire to make more.
And the person who’s living their best life on a tropical beach won’t be thinking your decision to quit your job to travel the world is a reckless one.
Why people judge you and the decisions you’re making
There’s a reason people will judge you: they either don’t understand what you want to do or why you want to do it, or they don’t believe it’s possible for them to be able to do it. Their lack of understanding or belief in themselves shouldn’t stop you from living your life the way you want to.
And let me ask you this: do you really want to spend your life not doing the things you desire through fear of being judged by people?
Or would you rather live a life that’s authentic to you, that brings you joy, a life that you can look back on at 80 years old and go “you know what, I lived my life my way”?
3 things you can do to stop fearing judgement from others
Alongside that powerful sentence - no one who is where you want to be in life will judge you - these 3 things also helped me to stop fearing judgement from others:
1) I stopped judging other people as often
Judging others is something we all do but I found that becoming aware of the moments I was judging people and choosing not to judge them for the decisions they were making actually helped me to feel less judged in my daily life.
The more you judge the more you expect to receive judgement. Practice judging less and see how it reduces your own fear of judgement.
2) I stayed connected to the end result
Instead of focusing on the discomfort of doing the things I could be judged for, I focused on my vision and what I was doing those things for. I stayed anchored into the potential outcomes I could achieve if I did the things I feared I’d be judged for.
And the more results I started seeing, the happier I started feeling in my life, the less I cared about judgement or what other people might think of the way I was living my life.
3) I became the villain
Each time I found myself in a scenario where I could be judged, I chose myself instead. I started saying no, setting boundaries, and putting myself first, even when it made me the villain in other people’s stories.
Read this next to see exactly what I mean — I’m breaking down what being the villain in your 30s really looks like and why it’s ok for you to be the villain too.
The next time you hesitate because of what people might think, remember: no one who’s living the life you want is judging you. They’re too busy living it.
And you deserve to do the same: in your career, in love, in life. Your 30s are way too short to let other people’s opinions run the show. Ready to stop giving af what people think of you? I’ve got you.
Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.
If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. Get a front row seat to how I’m building a confident life in my 30s (and how you can too) here.
I’m guessing there are a lot of things you’ve thought about doing in your 30s: quitting your job to start a business, switching careers, dating differently, moving abroad, making a shit tonne of money, or maybe just cutting your hair short and dyeing it pink. But here’s the thing: it’s not the how that’s stopping you, it’s the fear of judgement. I’m about to share one powerful sentence that can destroy that fear in seconds, so you can live your 30s however the fuck you want to.