This Is Why You Hate Your Body In Your 30s (And How To Stop)
You don’t actually hate how you look. You hate the way society has trained you to feel about the way you look.
Think about it. From the moment us millennials were old enough to flick through a magazine, we were bombarded with “ideal” body types and edited images that made us question every inch of ourselves. It’s no wonder so many of us carry this quiet (or not-so-quiet) war with our own reflection.
But your body isn't the problem. It never has been. The way you’ve been conditioned to think about your body is the problem.
And once you start to unpick that conditioning? You’ll realise your body is the least interesting thing about you, and you can actually start enjoying your life again.
Growing Up in a World Obsessed With Size Zero
As a teenager in the early 2000s, I couldn’t walk into Tesco without seeing the magazines all lined up in a cute little row, judging (mostly women) for how they looked. Celebrities were celebrated for being size zero. Cellulite was circled in red like a teacher would edit your homework. Headlines screamed about who’d “let themselves go” because they dared to exist in a body that wasn’t airbrushed af.
And there I was, 7.5 stone, tiny by any standard (and 3 stone lighter than I am now), still convinced I wasn’t thin enough.
It wasn’t just the magazines. When Instagram entered the chat as I was turning 20, the self-criticism got louder. Endless scrolling, endless comparison, endless tearing myself apart in the mirror. Searching for flaws and hating on my body became a natural part of my daily life.
Looking back, I realise my body was never the enemy. The narrative around it was.
The Thailand Wake-Up Call (Thanks to a Stolen Phone)
Fast forward to 22 and I found myself living on an island in Thailand. My phone got stolen (that’ll teach me to swim have sex in the sea at night), and suddenly I was cut off from Instagram, magazines, and the relentless newsfeed of “perfect” bodies.
And you know what? Something magical happened.
I was surrounded by women of all shapes and sizes, all living their best lives in bikinis. And for the first time, I wasn’t being told what was “in” or “out” this week.
I was looking at bodies in real life, not filtered ones on a screen. And instead of comparing, I just… lived. I swam, I danced (on bars), I explored, I made friends.
When I removed the aimless scrolling and buying into the body trend of the moment, I learned to love my body.
And here’s the thing: The way my body looks has zero impact on my ability to achieve the things I want and how I enjoy my life. The way my body looks is the least interesting thing about me.
Why You Don’t Actually Hate Your Body
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and torn yourself apart, I want you to pause for a second.
You don’t hate your thighs.
You don’t hate your stretch marks.
You don’t hate your belly.
What you hate is the meaning society has attached to them.
We’ve been sold this lie that our worth is tied to how closely we match the current “ideal” body type. But here’s the catch: that “ideal” changes every decade.
In the 2000s, it was size zero and heroin chic
In the 2010s, it was big boobs, tiny waist, and a Kardashian-esque bum
In the early 2020s, body positivity and curves (hello Lizzo) were in
And now, for some ridiculous reason, Ozempic skinny is the new trend threatening to make any woman bigger than a size zero feel “too big” again. Why is society always so obsessed with shrinking women?
Your body isn’t a trend. And the sooner you reject that conditioning, the sooner you can start seeing your body for what it really is: a vessel that lets you live, move, love, create, and experience joy.
We were all born with different body types. There’s no right type or wrong type. Our bodies are just our bodies.
The Mirror Trick That Changes Everything
So, what do you do when you catch yourself spiralling in front of the mirror? Here’s a little practice that’s changed everything for me:
Stop and look deep into your own eyes
Take three deep, grounding breaths
Repeat to yourself: “I choose to love, appreciate, and accept my body for how it looks in this moment. I choose to believe I look fucking hot today.”
Sounds simple, right? But saying this out loud shifts your focus away from the critic in your head and back into the present moment, where your worth has nothing to do with cellulite or abs.
(Want help becoming hotter, happier & healthier in your 30s? Grab this toolkit now)
Daily Habits to Feel Comfortable in Your Skin
Feeling at home in your body doesn’t happen overnight. But small, consistent shifts in how you treat yourself can make a massive difference.
Here are a few habits I swear by:
1. Challenge Your Inner Narrative
Every time that inner critic pipes up with, “Ugh, my arms look gross in this,” stop and remind yourself this isn’t your voice. This belief was put on you by society. And you don’t have to keep carrying it. Instead, I challenge you to compliment yourself every single time you catch a glimpse of your reflection. In a shop window, in the mirror, when you open your camera on your phone and it’s facing you. Find something nice to say about yourself. Bonus points if you can compliment a different body part each time.
2. Nourish and Care for Your Body
Drink your water. Moisturise from head to toe. Move your body in ways that feel good — walks, yoga, dancing in your kitchen at 11pm. Gratitude grows when you actively look after yourself. And merely the act of nourishing your body tells yourself you deem your body worthy. By caring for your body you’re saying “I love this body. I appreciate this body. My body deserves to be taken care of.”
3. Get Comfortable Being Naked
Stand in front of the mirror and push yourself to name 10 things you love about your body. It’s awkward at first, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Dance naked. Yoga naked. Sleep naked. The more you get used to seeing your naked body, the more natural it feels. Use this simple practice to help you build body confidence.
4. Limit Social Media
Unfollow the people who trigger your comparison spiral. Be ruthless. And set time limits for scrolling (or log off altogether…). You’ll be amazed how much mental space you get back. I know from experience how much watching “perfect” women on socials can negatively impact how I view myself. When I started following creators who had similar body types to mine, I started to feel a lot more confident in how my body looks.
Your Body Is the Least Interesting Thing About You
The way your body looks has zero impact on your ability to achieve the things you want in life.
Your body doesn’t decide whether you’re a good friend, a great partner, an ambitious career-woman, or a loving parent. It doesn’t affect your ability to fall in love, start a business, or chase your wildest dreams.
In a recent interview with Roxie Nafousi, Vicky Pattison said “No one is gonna stand up at your funeral and say, “she looked so good in a bikini”. Nobody’s gonna remember your fucking flat stomach or your thigh gap or your clothes size. They’re gonna remember the way you made them feel.”
And that’s so freaking true. Your body truly is the least interesting thing about you.
But you know what is interesting? Your ideas. Your laugh. Your passion. The way you show up for the people you love. The way you get back up after life knocks you down. The way you make your besties laugh. How you support your family.
That’s what people remember. Not whether you had abs at 35 or if your boobs were still perky at 39.
You get to decide you’re hot as you are right now
You don’t hate your body. You hate the conditioning that’s been forced upon you since you were a child.
But the good news is, you get to choose a new story. You get to stop handing power to Instagram filters and outdated beauty standards, and start giving it back to yourself.
So the next time you catch your reflection and feel the spiral coming on, remember: your body isn’t the enemy. Society’s bullshit is. And you? You look fucking hot today.
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Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.
If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. It’s time to make your 30s the hottest, happiest, healthiest decade of your life. Here’s how.
You don’t actually hate how you look. You hate the way society has trained you to feel about the way you look. Think about it. From the moment us millennials were old enough to flick through a magazine, we were bombarded with “ideal” body types and edited images that made us question every inch of ourselves. It’s no wonder so many of us carry this quiet (or not-so-quiet) war with our own reflection. But your body isn't the problem. It never had been.