The Truth: I'm Scared Nothing Will Change In 5 Years

The Fear of Nothing Changing in My 30s

It feels a little bit scary admitting this, but honestly? I am scared that nothing will change in the next five years. I realised the other day that in five and a half years’ time, I’ll be 40. And if I think about where my life is right now, if I got to 40 and it was exactly the same as it is now, I’m terrified.

Even though right now, I love my life. I’m really happy with where I am. I’m content with my day-to-day life. With everything that I’m doing in my business, with my family life, with my friends, with my social life. I’m very content with where I am.

And at the same time, I don’t want to be in the same position in five years’ time.

Why This Chapter of My 30s Has Been So Important

I’ve really enjoyed this chapter of my life. I mean, aside from all the grief and the loss and the heartbreak. I’ve needed this chapter. From 29 to 34, I’ve needed this space to heal, to focus on my own wellbeing, to be in some sort of comfort zone in terms of my family life.

I’m living at home with my mum and I’m very close to my family. I’m 10 minutes from my nan and granddad’s house (now just my nan’s house), and 15 minutes away from my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephews. I’m physically and emotionally very close to my family, more than I was when I first came back from travelling in my twenties.

And I love it. I love that I get to do swimming with the kids every week. I love that I spent the last four years being able to support my granddad as he got ill, and eventually when he died in December. If I had been living my life the way I’d planned in my twenties - if my five-year relationship hadn’t ended, if I’d moved to Bali with my ex, if we’d stayed together and travelled with his job - I wouldn’t have been home for the last four years of my grandad’s life. And that thought makes me feel a little bit sick.

Because my grandad was my favourite person in the entire world.

The fact that I was at home, able to support him, take him to hospital appointments, spend every day with him right up until he died? I’m so grateful for that. So grateful that this chapter, as unexpected as it was, gave me that time.

Gratitude for an Unexpected Life Path

When I think about it, it’s wild. If I was married with kids aka the life I thought I was supposed to have by now, I wouldn’t have been able to spend those last few months with my grandad. I wouldn’t have been able to hold his hand as he died.

And yes, part of me was sad he never got to see me walk down the aisle or meet future kids (if I decide to have them), but there’s also so much gratitude that life didn’t go the way I thought it was “supposed to.” Because if it had, I never would’ve been able to say goodbye.

This chapter has given me the space to evolve my business - from social media management to coaching, to podcasting, to content creation. It gave me the opportunity to get clear on what I actually want, and to take action rather than just talk about it. And at the same time? I don’t want to be living here when I’m 40.

Loving Where I Am… While Wanting More

I’ve talked before about how much I love living at home. My relationship with my mum has never been better - we had a rocky relationship in my teens and twenties, and now it feels like the best it’s ever been. And I know one day she’ll die (because we all do), and I’ll be grateful for every extra moment I’ve had living with her. You don’t get that time back.

And still, I desire my own space. I’d love to buy my own place (or even rent my own place) before I settle down with a partner. I want the experience of living on my own, of having my own little corner of the world.

Living at home has also meant I’ve been there for my niece and nephews from the very beginning. I get to be part of their lives in such a big way, from helping at swimming to spending time with them weekly. I adore them.

From Healing to a Fresh Start in My 30s

Five years ago, I was healing from a breakup. COVID had hit. I felt like I was at rock bottom. Living at home gave me safety, support, and space to grieve and heal. Then, as my grandad got sick, I was able to step in as his carer, taking him to hospital appointments when others couldn’t, being there for both him and my nan.

Losing my grandad in December was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Nine weeks later, my nan died too. It was horrendous. Grief has been my reality for months.

But now, I feel like I’m at a fresh start. For the first time in years, I have the space and freedom to fully focus on myself, my goals, my business, my life. The last five years were about healing and supporting others. The next five years are about me.

What I Want the Next 5 Years of My 30s to Look Like

So yes, I love the life I’m living at 34. I feel like I’m thriving in the present. And I’m ready for more. I want to:

• Create my own space (rent or buy a place of my own)

• Continue growing my business to the next level

• Travel more and experience the freedom I had in my twenties

• Build the kind of relationship I actually want, not just the one I thought I was “supposed” to want

• Focus on living my life with intention rather than defaulting into old patterns

I’ve got a vision in my head of what I want. But now, I need to get crystal clear on it. That’s why I’m walking you through my visioning process including how I use tools like ChatGPT to help me, how I clarify what I want, and how I create an anchor for myself to stay motivated even on hard days.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 30s, it’s this: life doesn’t always go to plan. But that doesn’t mean it’s not working out exactly as it should.

If you’ve ever felt scared that nothing will change in the next five years, know this: you’re not alone. It’s okay to love your life now and still want more. It’s okay to feel grateful for where you are and still crave growth. That’s the beauty of being in your 30s. It’s not too late to redefine what you want.

Next in the 5 Years To 40 series: Revealing My 5-Year Vision: The Life I’m Manifesting By 40

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Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.

If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. Get a front row seat to how I’m building a confident life in my 30s (and how you can too) here.

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