You’re Not Behind: How To Make Your 30s The Greatest Decade Of Your Life

If you're in your thirties and you’ve ever felt behind or lost, like everyone else has their shit together apart from you, this is for you. I want you to know this:

• You’re not late

• You’re not behind

• Your 30s can genuinely be the greatest decade of your life

But first, you have to decide they will be.

Feeling Behind in Your 30s? You’re Not Alone

So many of us spend our 30s comparing. Comparing our careers, relationships, milestones, houses, families. Comparing our lives to the lives of our siblings, friends, colleagues. It feels like everyone else is ticking boxes and you’re just… waiting.

But here’s the truth: you have to decide to stop comparing your wins, your life, your milestones to anyone else’s. You have to decide to embrace every chapter you’re in, even the messy, uncertain, feels-like-you’re-not-moving-forward ones.

And you have to decide to become the person who makes their 30s their favourite decade, not the person who waits around for the “good shit” to just happen.

I’m going to show you exactly how to do that. By the end of this post, you’ll walk away with:

• A mantra that keeps you anchored into who you want to be

• A vision of who you’re becoming

• Practical tools you can actually stick to without feeling overwhelmed

So grab a notebook, pour a glass of something nice, and get cosy, because you’re gonna want to listen to this.

Why Deciding Who You’re Becoming Matters

When you fail to decide who you’re becoming, you end up waiting.

• Waiting for the dream partner

• Waiting for the dream job

• Waiting for confidence to magically appear one morning

But when you do decide? You thrive in the present while striving for the big goals. You actually enjoy the now.

As you work towards milestones, you feel joyful and grateful for where you’re at, even if you still want more. And that pulls you out of the heavy, lack energy of focusing on what you don’t have. I know this firsthand.

My Story: Breakup at 29 and Starting Over

At 29, my life completely fell apart.

My plans to move to Bali with my boyfriend of five years disappeared overnight when he ended our relationship, over a Facebook Messenger call. Overnight, the life I thought I was going to have just disappeared.

Engaged by 30. Living in Bali. Thriving business. The vision board dream life. Gone.

And to add salt to the wound, within three months:

• My best friend announced they were having a baby

• My younger brother got engaged

I couldn’t have felt more behind if I tried.

But choosing who I was going to become, rewriting my future story and embracing a fresh start, stopped me from letting that bombshell destroy my 30s.

And here’s the thing: when you do this work, it doesn’t just change you. It changes how you show up in relationships, how confident you feel at work, and even how people feel in your presence.

It’s contagious.

Don’t miss The Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit get instant access for free now:

The Ripple Effect of Choosing a New Story

It doesn’t matter if you’re just about to turn 30 or staring down your 39th year. What matters is that you make the choice now.

When you choose to make your 30s the greatest decade of your life, you stop waiting. You stop wishing things were different. You take the reins.

And in five years? Instead of still sitting there waiting, you’ll be celebrating how far you’ve come: milestones ticked off, new goals set, thriving instead of just surviving.

You’ll curl up on the sofa at night, reflect, and actually feel grateful for where you’re at. Even if it’s not your “end goal,” you’ll know you’re taking those baby steps every day toward the life you truly desire.

Decision Creates Confidence and Momentum

I’ve seen how powerful decision is in my own life.

A few years ago, I was working for a company that made me miserable. My anxiety was through the roof. I felt physically ill most days. My weekends disappeared into proving myself. My expertise was ignored. My suggestions were discarded. I’d been hired as an expert, but I felt like an intern.

For a month, I whined to friends, complained to myself, and watched my confidence get chipped away. Until I realised I had a choice: Stay for the money or leave for my health.

The moment I decided to quit, I felt like I got a piece of myself back. I was taking control. Choosing me.

Not everyone understood. Why walk away from so much money? But that’s the conditioning we’ve been handed: suck it up, make do, stay put “just in case.”

After a short holiday and a reset, I rebuilt my confidence and started to feel like myself again. And it all came back to that one decision.

Stop Settling in Your 30s

Doing this work aka choosing who you’re becoming, stops you from settling.

You’ll no longer settle for:

• Careers that drain you

• Relationships that don’t light you up

• Friendships that take more than they give

• Habits that keep you small

Instead, you’ll choose:

• Joy

• Confidence

• Healthy standards

• A life that feels expansive

And that ripples into every area of your life, including the relationship you have with yourself.

The Energy You Bring Attracts More

Think about it: no one wants to be around the person who constantly complains. The person stuck in the “I’m behind” mindset.

Because like attracts like. If you sit in misery, you attract misery.

I dated someone once who was stuck in their current reality. No imagination. No ambition. Complained about work daily. Judged strangers on social media. That energy is so unattractive.

Yes, life is hard sometimes. Yes, struggles are real. Yes, hopelessness is part of being human. But you get to decide:

• Is this your permanent state?

• Or is it a temporary blip you choose to pull yourself out of?

When you choose joy, confidence, and gratitude, your energy shifts. You impact everyone around you. You become magnetic.

(and just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about mental health illnesses like depression here. Sometimes we can’t pull ourselves out without help and that’s ok too.)

Step 1: Decide Your Future Identity

So, how do you actually make your 30s the greatest decade?

Step one: decide who you’re becoming.

You can read all the self-help books, binge YouTube videos, make vision boards, but if you don’t decide who you’re actually going to become, you’ll stay stuck in “waiting” energy.

When you decide, everything shifts. Decisions become easier because you’ve got a filter. You stop wasting time on shit that doesn’t align. You feel excited again, because you know where you’re heading.

You’ll find powerful journal prompts inside The Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit to help you define your future identity. Sign up for free now:

Step 2: Create a Mantra (or steal mine)

Your mantra is a shortcut to your future self and manifesting the life you want. It’s the anchor you come back to when you feel lost or behind.

My mantra? Hot, Happy, Healthy. (Make sure you grab The Hot, Happy, Healthy Toolkit here)

• Hot → feeling confident in my skin, loving my body, feeling attractive to myself

• Happy → feeling fulfilled in my work, grateful daily, spending time with people who fill me up, travelling often

• Healthy → strong, energised, sleeping well, glowing skin, grounded and peaceful, 90% of the time

That mantra reminds me of who I’ve decided to become. And every choice I make can be filtered through it.

You’re welcome to steal mine or create your own. It could be:

• An “I am” statement

• A quote that resonates

• A single word

Whatever brings you back to that future you.

Step 3: Anchor Into Your Future Self

Once you’ve got your mantra, you want to anchor into the version of you you’re becoming. Here’s how:

Do a Photo Shoot

It doesn’t have to be professional. Prop up your phone, grab outfits that make you feel magnetic, and take photos as future you. When you see yourself as that confident, thriving version, your brain starts to believe it. Those photos become proof. (I highly recommend Amanda as a photographer who’ll instantly put you at ease and deliver the exact vision you have in your mind - she took the photos you see on this website!)

Make a Vision Board

This isn’t just pretty pictures. It’s training your brain to focus on what you want, not what you lack. Every glance at it reminds you: this is where I’m going.

Build a Playlist

Music is the fastest way to shift your state. Create a playlist that makes you walk taller, dance in your kitchen, feel like the main character. Hit play every time you need to anchor back in.

Claim Your Style

This isn’t about trends. It’s about asking: what makes me feel magnetic? Maybe it’s a bold red lip. A crisp white shirt. A signature scent. Each style choice says: I’m the person who gets what they want.

Baby Steps, Not Overhauls

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Micro shifts are what stick.

• Want to feel hotter? Start with sitting straighter

• Want to feel happier? Log off social media for 30 days

• Want to feel healthier? Add a daily walk

Tiny, consistent changes add up. Be the tortoise, not the hare.

The Daily Filter: Would She Do This?

Every decision becomes easier when you filter it through your future self.

• Would she stay in a relationship she’s not into?

• Would she take a draining job?

• Would she keep quiet in the meeting?

• Would she let other people’s opinions run the show?

When you’ve decided who you’re becoming, the answer is clear.

You’re Not Late — You’re Becoming

Here’s what I want you to take away:

You’re not late. You’re not behind. Your 30s can be the greatest decade of your life, if you decide they will be.

Decide who you’re becoming. Anchor into it with mantras, photos, vision boards, playlists, and style. Take baby steps. Use the daily filter.

This isn’t about waiting for life to happen. It’s about making it happen.

So, who are you becoming in your 30s? Tell me in the comments below.

99 Ways to Become Hotter, Happier & Healthier in Your 30s

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Hi, I’m Becka, a single 34 year old who doesn’t have kids and lives at home with her mum, and despite society’s desperate attempts, I don’t feel behind. I’m figuring out my 30s without believing I need to “get my shit together” in order to be successful or seen as valuable.

If you’re done feeling behind or like you’re “not enough,” this is your reminder you’re exactly where you need to be, and we’re in it together. It’s time to make your 30s the hottest, happiest, healthiest decade of your life. Here’s how.

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