How To Stop Giving AF What People Think Of You In Your 30s
Gone are the days of obsessing over what Kelly from school thinks when you post a photo on Instagram. Or holding back your ideas in a meeting because you're worried about being judged. Or masking who you really are around your friends just to fit in. You're in your 30s now—it’s time to let go of caring what anyone else thinks.
Starting today.
Get comfy, because I’m about to share the realisation that completely changed the way I show up in the world. And by the end of this article, you’ll be able to do the same.
The Moment I Stopped Obsessing Over Other People’s Opinions
The first time I truly stopped caring what people thought of me was when I moved to Thailand in my early 20s. I’d spent my whole life agonising over what others thought—whether it was stressing about my outfit on non-uniform day, dreading being questioned in class, or worrying my friends wouldn’t laugh at my jokes.
This followed me into adulthood. At work, I held back in meetings because I didn’t want to sound stupid. I even remember a job where my manager was training me, contradicting herself every few minutes—even though I knew she was making mistakes, I stayed quiet. I didn’t want to seem like a know-it-all. So instead, I sat there overwhelmed, confused, and unsure of what tf I was actually meant to do.
Then, at 21, I moved to Thailand. For the first time, I was away from everything and everyone I knew. It was my chance to fully embrace who I was—without worrying about what my school friends would think or what my work colleagues might say.
And guess what? I felt free.
I made a group of friends who saw the real me. No masks. No filters. No pretending. And they loved me for it. Their confidence rubbed off on me, and before I knew it, I’d stepped into the most self-assured version of myself. Though looking back now it was probably a bit too much on the side of arrogance…
Who You Surround Yourself With Matters
They say you’re the combination of the five people you spend the most time with.
If you hang around people who judge others, gossip about colleagues, or criticise mutual friends behind their backs—guess what? You’ll start to assume they’re doing the same about you. If you're constantly around people who hold themselves back because they’re terrified of what others think, that energy will rub off on you, too.
On the flip side, when you surround yourself with self-assured, confident people who don’t agonise over the opinions of others, their energy lifts you up.
That’s exactly what happened to me. My time in Thailand, followed by years in Australia and Central America, shaped the way I saw myself. I became that girl who didn’t care what people thought.
The Mindset Shift That Changed Everything
Even though I’d built a strong sense of self, starting an online business tested me all over again.
Social media wasn’t what it is now. When I started posting selfies to promote my brand and sharing my opinions online, I got judgey comments from friends. People laughed at my goals. Others made me feel self-conscious about the kind of work I was doing.
I started shrinking. When friends asked how work was going, I’d brush it off with a simple, “Great, thanks!” and immediately change the subject.
Until I heard one phrase that completely shifted my mindset:
No two people will ever form the same opinion of you because every single person interprets you through their own perspective.
That one sentence changed everything.
Suddenly, I realised: it was never my job to control how people saw me. We all have different experiences, different traumas, and different ways of interpreting the world. You could say the exact same thing to ten different people, and they’d all perceive it differently.
So why the fuck was I wasting energy trying to manage everyone’s opinions of me?
You, reading this, are perceiving me through the lens of your own experiences. Someone else reading this will see me completely differently. Just like at a concert—two people in the same audience can have two entirely different experiences.
And here’s the truth: You’re not responsible for how people receive you.
The Three Layers of Confidence You Need to Master
Now that you’re ready to stop living for other people’s opinions, it’s time to start living for you. This is where the Three Layers of Confidence comes in.
These three layers are part of The 90/90 Mindset Concept—a system I created to help you build confidence that lasts. Because confidence isn’t just a feeling—it’s a way of life.
1. Think Confident
This is your inner narrative. It’s about challenging limiting beliefs, shifting your mindset, and learning to not let outside judgment define your self-worth. This is the foundation of unshakeable self confidence.
2. Act Confident
This is about how you show up for yourself and the life you want. Facing fears head-on, pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, and carrying yourself like the confident version of you—even when you feel nervous. Because confidence isn’t just about what’s going on inside; it’s about how you present yourself to the world.
3. Feel Confident
This is about embodying confidence every single day. Prioritising self-care, staying connected to yourself, and shifting into a confident energy when you need to. This layer keeps you resilient, grounded, and truly confident from the inside out.
Your Next Steps to Unshakeable Confidence
If you’re ready to make confidence a part of who you are, I’ve got something for you.
Inside The Confidence Kit, you’ll find:
✔ A workbook with seven styles of journaling to help you rewrite your inner narrative
✔ A list of nine instant confidence boosters that reset your mindset in 90 seconds
✔ A five-minute morning meditation to start every day feeling bold, confident, and unstoppable
And the best part? It’s completely free. Grab it here.
You deserve a life that is fully yours, unaffected by what anyone else thinks. And now that you’ve let go of caring about other people’s opinions, it’s time to take it even further.
Next step? Learn the beliefs you need to adopt to actually build the life of your dreams. That’s exactly what I’m breaking down here.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.