Why You're Really Ashamed Of Being Single In Your 30s (and How To Fix It)
If you dread the question, "Seeing anyone yet?" every time you meet up with friends or family, you’re not alone. For many women in their 30s, being single comes with an unwelcome side of societal pressure and unsolicited opinions.
But these simple yet powerful mindset shifts will help you stop panicking about never meeting "the one" and start embracing this chapter of your life with confidence.
Why Does Being Single Feel Like a Problem?
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked if I have a boyfriend yet—usually by older relatives I don’t see often. For years, that question triggered shame and embarrassment. But when I started unpacking why I felt that way, I realised something important: it wasn’t about what I believed about myself.
It was about outdated societal expectations that have been passed down through the generations.
I’m not the only one who’s been made to feel like something’s wrong with you for being single in your 30s. Single friends have faced the same judgement and tbh, it’s getting kind of boring now.
The Historical Pressure for Women to Marry
For centuries, British society expected women to marry young—largely because marriage was their main path to financial security and social respect. Until the 1970s, women in the UK had little financial independence. In fact, it wasn’t until the Sex Discrimination Act of 1975 that women could even open their own bank accounts without a husband or male relative’s permission.
Yes, you read that right. That was only 50 years ago.
Women who didn’t marry were often seen as failures, and unfortunately, remnants of that stigma still exist today. This is why so many women feel shame around being single—it’s deeply ingrained in our culture.
The Modern-Day Stigma
Last year, I shared a reel about how I thought I’d be married by 30 but at 33, I’d just ended things with a guy I’d been seeing for 3 months, after four years of being single. And let me tell you—the comments were brutal.
The sheer amount of hatred and shame thrown at women for simply existing without a ring on their finger in their 30s? It’s ridiculous. It’s 2025, and to many people, being married is still more important than actually being happy.
It’s almost as if society believes that being a wife is the most valuable thing a woman can be….
Women Have More Choices Than Ever Before
The truth is, we no longer need marriage for survival. Women today can:
Have successful careers or build businesses that bring them financial security and fulfillment
Earn their own money and keep it in their own bank account
Buy their own homes, cars, clothes, furniture, etc
Take themselves on holiday
Date themselves regularly
Have sex with themselves
Even have a baby without needing to have sex with a man
And yet, despite these choices, outdated timelines still linger. This makes single women feel like they’re "behind" or that it’s "too late"—when in reality, it’s not too late for anything.
The Spinster vs. Bachelor Double Standard
At an event recently, I spoke with a woman in her 40s about the spinster label given to single women, while men get to be "bachelors." It’s the same double standard that calls men who sleep around "players" while women are labeled "sluts."
Historically, a spinster was simply a woman who spun thread to earn a living—one of the few ways unmarried women could support themselves financially. But over time, the word became an insult, implying that a woman was past the "acceptable" age for marriage and therefore undesirable.
Because, of course, a woman on her own must be lonely, right? (Spoiler alert: wrong)
You’re Not "Behind"
Recognising that this pressure is rooted in outdated beliefs can help remove the stigma around being single in your 30s. In reality, delaying or choosing not to marry means having the freedom to choose—to build your dream career, create financial independence, and define happiness on your own terms.
Family and friends can unintentionally add to the pressure by prioritising questions about your relationship status over other achievements. But most of the time, their curiosity isn’t meant to devalue you—it’s just that dating makes for a great story.
And let’s be honest, dating stories are some of the best stories.
The "Happily Ever After" Myth
Movies and TV shows love to sell us the idea that happiness is tied to a relationship. Don’t get me wrong—I absolutely want my happily ever after, and I know I’ll have it. But I’m not in a rush, and I refuse to believe that I need someone to "complete" me.
Real-Life Proof That It’s Never "Too Late"
One of the best things you can do to remove the pressure? Look for evidence that people are meeting and marrying later in life. Just look at these celebs:
Eva Mendes met Ryan Gosling at 37
Barbra Streisand met James Brolin at 54
Penelope Cruz got married at 36
Paris Hilton got engaged at 40
Kourtney Kardashian got married at 43 and had a baby at 44
Amal Clooney had twins at 39
Sienna Miller had a second child at 42
Victoria Coren Mitchell had a second child at 51
And beyond celebrities, you’ll find endless stories of real people meeting "the one" long after 30. There’s so much evidence around that people are meeting and marrying later on in life that instead of plugging into this fear based narrative that’s been created by the media for decades, you can choose to tune into the evidence that what you desire is possible for you.
The Power of Embracing Your Single Life
Now is your chance to take control of your story and change the narrative.
Being single in your 30s isn’t a lack—it’s freedom. It’s a blessing. It’s an opportunity to rediscover yourself on the deepest level.
And embracing being single doesn’t mean you’re rejecting relationships. Two things can exist at the same time: You can love your life as it is and be open to love when it arrives.
If you knew for absolute certainty that your person was out there, that you’d have your happily ever after, and that once you met them, you’d never be single again—Why wouldn’t you embrace this last chapter of being alone?
Why wouldn’t you use this time to do all the solo things you’ve always wanted to do?
And if you never want to date or be in a relationship? That’s absolutely okay too. You get to live your life your way.
It’s not your problem anymore
Society’s outdated beliefs about marriage and relationships are not your problem to carry. You cannot live your life to please others. Being single in your 30s isn’t a curse—it’s an incredible opportunity. Don’t believe me? Read this now. And when you’re ready to break up with the beliefs keeping you in the “behind” mindset, check out The Standard Is You here.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.