30+ And Living With Parents? How To Stop Shame From Society
If you're in your 30s, still living at home, and feeling ashamed about it, you’re not alone. Society might have fed you the idea that you should own a house, be married, have kids, and basically have your entire life figured out by now but, let’s be honest: life doesn’t always follow the same timeline. Nor should it.
There’s a narrative we’ve been fed that it’s not “cool” to live with our parents or that it’s something we should feel ashamed for because it means we’re not successful, but the reality is, there are many 30-somethings living at home who genuinely love it. The sense of comfort, convenience and the peace of mind at not having to be in charge of running a household. Not to mention the rent’s typically a lot cheaper!
Moving home after a breakup
In 2018, I moved back to the UK after living abroad for six years. The plan? Stay for a year before moving to Bali with my then-boyfriend. Renting for such a short time didn’t make sense, so I moved in with my mum. But then out of nowhere, my five-year relationship ended, just before my 29th birthday. Heartbroken and financially unprepared, I stayed put. And then the pandemic hit.
At first, I was grateful. I wasn’t isolated, I had support, and I wasn’t drowning in sky-high rent just for the sake of saying, “Look at me! I live alone!”. But as I entered my 30s, that creeping shame started whispering: You’re behind. You should have your own place. You should have it all figured out.
Then my brother got engaged. Had a baby. Got married. Had another baby. And here I was—still at home, still navigating my own path, still figuring things out. That little voice kept trying to tell me I wasn’t enough. That I had no right to be a Confidence Coach while still living with my mum.
But secretly, I loved being at home again. I’d spent 6 years living abroad and had missed the quality time with her. Of course, it was an adjustment. But there were so many benefits of it, including the support I needed to help me through the worst breakup of my life.
The Conversation That Changed My Perspective
One day, over a cold glass of Pinot Grigio (with ice, obviously), I vented to a friend about how I loved living at home but a part of me still felt shame for it based on the narrative society feeds us. That’s when she shared something that flipped my entire perspective.
She told me about a conversation she’d had with a colleague from India who was baffled by how quickly people in the UK move out. “Why don’t people look after their parents here?” she’d asked. In her culture, living with family isn’t a sign of failure—it’s normal. It’s expected.
That was the moment I chose to drop the shame. Because here’s the truth: different cultures have different expectations. The idea that you have to be moved out by a certain age is just a social construct. Nothing more. And honestly? I love my living situation. I’m close to my grandparents. I spend time with my niece and nephews. I have financial flexibility.
And more recently, my Grandad died. Being at home meant I got to spend the last four years being there for him and his hospital appointments, taking care of him and supporting Nan, and soaking up every moment possible with him. That’s time I’ll never get back. And I’m grateful I made the most of his last years by staying at home, just 10 minutes away from him.
One day, my mum won’t be here anymore, and I’ll look back at these extra years living with her with nothing but gratitude. Meanwhile, society will always find a new way to make you feel like you’re “behind.” If it’s not about moving out, it’ll be about marriage, or kids, or career success. The cycle never stops—unless you decide to step out of it.
Own Your Life Choices—Without Apology
So if you’re in your 30s and still living at home, hear me loud and clear: You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your journey is yours, and it doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
If you’re struggling with feeling like you’re late to life or that you should be further along by now, check out The Standard Is You. And if this hit home for you (pun intended), share it with someone who needs to hear it.
I recently stumbled across this article from Glamour Magazine which I think you’ll enjoy too: I’m 34 and living at home with my parents. This is why I plan on never leaving.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.