You'll Never Be That Girl: How To Stop Feeling Behind In Your 30s
Ever scrolled through Instagram, seen a perfectly polished woman with her dream career, an aesthetic apartment, and a fiancé who proposed on a mountain in Italy, and thought, I should have my shit together like her? Yeah, we’ve all been there. But here’s the truth: comparison is a confidence killer, and it’s time to stop.
The Comparison Trap
Picture this: you’re on the tube, heading to work or to meet friends. A woman gets on and sits opposite you—her hair is flawless, her nails perfectly manicured, her outfit looks straight out of Vogue. You assume she’s got the dream job, the perfect man, the effortlessly glamorous life. And suddenly, you spiral:
Why don’t I have my shit together?
Why am I stuck in a job that gives me anxiety daily?
Why am I still obsessing over “how’s your day?” Chad on Hinge?
Sound familiar? That’s the comparison trap.
The truth is, you don't know what that person's life is like. They could be having the exact same struggles as you, but the story that you've created for this person is telling you that they’re X type of person; a person you’re not and therefore they’re somehow better than you.
But that's all false. That's a narrative you've created based on nothing but the external appearance of a stranger on a train.
These thoughts stem from insecurity. When you’re lacking self confidence, it's much easier for you to fall into that comparison trap. It’s easier to look at other people, automatically assumimg their life is better than yours. Instead of focusing on the amazing things you do have in your life, you're comparing yourself and focusing on what you don't have.
This causes a negative spiral that creates a heavy, lack energy. Beliefs that weigh you down like I’m not good enough, I don't have enough, I haven't achieved enough, can be detrimental to your daily life — how can you take action or make bold moves when you’re in that headspace?
Flip the Narrative & Reclaim Your Confidence
Instead of obsessing over a fictional version of someone else’s life, shift your focus inward. Here’s how:
1. Ditch the Timeline Myth
The idea that you need to be at a specific point by a certain age? A lie. Life isn’t a checklist. You’re not “behind”—you’re on your own path. Every step you take is leading you toward the life you want, even if it doesn’t look how you imagined right now.
Celebrate what you’ve achieved so far, and then get lost in the daydream of what you're going to achieve in future. When you trust that what you want will happen, the timeline becomes irrelevant.
2. Build Your Own Confidence
Confidence isn’t about having the perfect life—it’s about believing in yourself no matter where you are in your journey. The more secure you feel, the less you’ll care about what others are doing. Want a head start? Grab my free Confidence Kit and start boosting your self-worth today.
3. Start Romanticising Your Own Life
Stop waiting for some imaginary milestone to “deserve” joy. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself on dates. Make your morning coffee a ritual instead of a rushed necessity. Dress up just because. The more you enjoy the now, the less you’ll fixate on what’s “missing.”
Your Life, Your Rules
Comparison is the thief of joy. And honestly? Most of the people you admire are just as uncertain and ‘flawed’ as you. Instead of chasing someone else’s highlight reel, start embracing your own story—messy, unpredictable, and completely yours. The Standard Is You can help you with this. Check it out here.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
There’s a version of you out there who already has everything you’re craving. She’s walking into rooms feeling magnetic, grounded, calm, and proud of who she is. She’s not waiting for life to happen, she’s already living it. But here's the thing most people won't tell you: that version of you isn't “out there” in the future. She’s already within you.