Want To Stop Feeling Behind In Your 30s? Break These 3 Habits Now

If you're in your 30s and constantly feel like you're playing catch-up with life, trust me, you're not alone. The pressure to have it all figured out, achieve every milestone, and tick all the boxes by a certain age can leave you feeling like you're behind. But what if you're not actually behind... you're just stuck in some sneaky habits that are keeping you feeling that way?

In part two of the Rebrand Your Life series, we're diving into the core habits that might be holding you back from stepping into the next chapter of your life with confidence. These are the ones to ditch if you’re serious about rebranding your mindset and redefining what your 30s should look like.

Let’s get into it.

(This blog post was adapted from the transcript of a live video I did on Instagram. To watch the video instead, go here.)

1. Using Instagram As Escapism (Instead of Evidence of What’s Possible)

Let’s be honest, we all love a scroll. You’re lying in bed, your brain’s done for the day, and suddenly you’re deep into someone else’s engagement, pregnancy announcement, or six-figure business milestone.

And while it’s fine to enjoy social media, what’s not fine is when it turns into a tool of comparison.

Here's how to tell if it's keeping you stuck:

• You close the app feeling worse than when you opened it

• Your energy shifts from light to heavy

• You spiral into thoughts like “Why is that not my life?” or “I’m so behind.”

This habit of scrolling to compare instead of inspire is keeping you stuck in “I’m behind” energy. You’re using someone else’s timeline as a measuring stick for your own worth. And that’s not it.

Instead of using Instagram to escape your life or compare it, use it as evidence of what's possible. Follow people who prove that your dreams are still possible, even if they haven’t happened on your timeline.

• Curate your feed with expanders (people who’ve achieved the things you want later in life): This removes the idea that you’re on a limited timeline and provides evidence that there’s still time for you to have what you want

• Follow accounts that reflect evidence that your dream life is still possible: But when you’re watching their reels, feel excited that you get to live that life in the future instead of focusing on the fact you’re not there yet

• Catch yourself when your energy drops and either shift your mindset or close the app: It’s time to start making empowered choices for yourself

This simple shift from comparison to curiosity changes everything. Instagram isn't the enemy, it’s how you use it that matters. Use it wisely, or log off.

2. Living Too Much In Fantasy Mode (Without Taking Real-World Action)

Daydreaming? I'm here for it. I’ve been a daydreamer since school—manifesting beaches, business wins, and dancing in the kitchen with my soulmate. But here’s the problem: fantasising about your dream life isn’t the same as creating it.

And sometimes, the fantasy becomes a trap. You get stuck wishing, visualising, journalling, manifesting… and then wake up to the same reality, wondering why nothing’s changing. Daydreaming isn’t the problem, in fact, it’s powerful.

Daydreaming can give you:

• An energy boost when you're feeling stuck

• Clarity around what you actually want

• A confidence boost now, instead of waiting for success to feel good about yourself

But here's the danger: You can't just dream—you have to do.

Warning signs you’re stuck in fantasy-mode:

• You feel a high imagining your future but avoid taking any action

• You’re obsessed with “vibes” but ignore strategy

• You’re waiting to “feel ready” instead of doing the damn thing

Spending all your time in your fantasy life without anchoring into action will leave you feeling even further behind. There has to be a bridge between visualising your future lifestyle, and taking small, grounded steps toward making it your reality.

Break the habit by balancing dreaming with doing:

• Daydream with intention—use it to get clear on what you want

• Break the vision into micro-actions

• Create rituals that bridge the gap between fantasy and reality (think: taking yourself on the date you want your dream partner to)

• Asking yourself, "What’s one thing I can do today that my dream self would do?"

• Swapping "I wish I could..." for "I’m working toward..."

Your fantasy can fuel your future, but only if you’re willing to move.

3. Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Believe In Possibility

If you’re constantly around people who believe life has to follow a certain timeline (married by 30, kids by 32, house and career by 35), you’ll start to absorb those beliefs, even if deep down, you want more.

If you’re surrounded by:

• Friends who call your dreams “unrealistic”

• Family members who remind you that “time’s running out”

• Conversations that leave you feeling drained or doubtful

..then of course you’re going to internalise that energy. Time to cut the cord on these outdated mindsets. You need to be in rooms (both online and IRL) where people get it.

Instead:

• Limit time with people who don’t get it and spend time with people who believe in your potential (even if it looks different from theirs)

• Actively seek out expanders and dreamers who trust in divine timing (so you stop worrying about your own timeline)

• Join spaces (online or IRL) where ambition is the norm and settling for “ok” isn’t even an option

• Spend time with people who think going after what you really want is brave, not foolish

• Follow accounts online that empower you and inspire you (I like to follow older women who show me what’s possible in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond!)

Whether it’s your group chat, your podcast queue, or who you follow online, surround yourself with people who see what’s possible and reflect that belief back to you.

Because when you’re rebuilding your confidence and rebranding your life, the last thing you need is someone telling you to “just settle.” This isn’t about cutting everyone off. But it is about curating your circle so it supports your growth, not your shame.

This Isn’t Just About Habits, It’s a Full Identity Rebrand

Let’s be honest: none of this is about magically waking up with your dream life. It’s about shifting the way you see yourself and what you believe is possible, and then backing that up with aligned action.

This chapter of your life isn’t about “catching up.” It’s about creating something new. Something intentional. Something you actually want. And here’s the good news: you get to rebrand your identity any time you want.

Feeling behind isn’t a fact. It’s a feeling. And feelings come from thoughts, beliefs, and habits that we’ve picked up from the world around us. When you choose to rebrand your life, you choose to:

• Let go of timelines that don’t serve you

• Stop comparing your story to someone else’s highlight reel

• Start taking aligned action that reflects the life you want

To recap, the habits to ditch ASAP:

1. Using Instagram as escapism and comparison

2. Living only in the fantasy without backing it with action

3. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t see the possibility in your vision

Let this be your permission slip to stop settling for a life that looks 'on track' but feels average. You get to rewrite what thriving in your 30s looks like—and it starts by shifting these habits today.

Next, head over to part three of the Rebrand Your Life series: How to Become the Person Who Gets What They Want In Their 30s. It's packed with the strategy I’ve used again and again to build confidence before I’ve even hit my goals.

Because you don’t need to wait to feel confident. You just need to start.

And if you missed the first part of the Rebrand Your Life series, you can read that here: 3 Simple Mindset Shifts You Need To Make When Your Life Feels Average In Your 30s.

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Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.

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