Your Standards Aren't Too High (He's Still Out There)
I used to wonder if the kind of man I wanted to date even existed, or if I was just asking for too much. Whilst I very much believe my dream relationship exists, I’d never actually had my own proof that that was the case. But a recent Hinge match proved something powerful: it’s not about lowering your standards, it’s about holding them—and trusting that the right person will meet you there. This isn’t just a story about a good first date; it’s proof that you don’t have to settle, and that when you raise your standards, the people who meet them rise to the surface.
You Can Tell a Lot From a Hinge Profile
Around mid-April, I matched with a guy on Hinge. He was a "suggested" match, and despite normally disagreeing with Hinge's suggestion, there was something about this profile that stood out to me.
The photos were ok: candid, natural, kind eyes, hanging out with friends - nothing "wow" but nice looking all the same. The captions he'd added to the photos were funny. The answers to the prompts were light-hearted, yet intentional. He'd filled out all the info in his bio and I appreciated the effort he'd made.
(If you've been on the apps at any point in your life, you'll know how rare it is to see a thoughtful, well-written bio.)
So in response to one of his prompts, I matched with him. And the first message I received back was that he was in the middle of answering a question from the prompt in my profile.
From there, the conversation flowed.
The messages weren't constant. We'd message maybe once a day, but more typically, alternate days. Yet the responses were detailed, engaging, curious.
Not only did he answer, in depth, any questions I asked him, but he also asked me questions about myself. And not just "how's your day been" or "wubu2". He was interested in my responses and honestly, I cannot tell you what a breath of fresh air it is to have someone genuinely interested in you.
(The week before, I'd matched with a guy who'd answer my questions with a statement. One sentence answers, no desire to learn about me. It was boring and inevitably fizzled out before it began.)
About a week into talking, he asked me on a date. He suggested a park walk and a drink, and with spring being such a beautiful season, I was more than happy to go for an evening stroll.
So this is what it’s like to date a grown up man
He asked me what park would be preferable to me, chose the time and then was happy to adjust the meeting place to one that was more convenient for me. Before the date, we continued getting to know each other via message and the night before, he confirmed the meeting place and time.
At no point was I left wondering if we were still meeting, guessing what the plan was or left anxious that he might not show.
I arrived, he bought us both a drink, and we set off on our stroll, talking non-stop.
After a while, we came to his favourite part of the park where we sat on a bench and continued our conversation, diving deep into politics, loss, past relationships, and our values. No topic was off the table and we were each as interested in each other's answers. (Apart from sex: sex wasn’t, and still hasn’t been discussed yet. And it is so nice to get to know someone without the physical side of things being the focus.)
We laughed. A lot.
He was thoughtful with his questions, asking me what my Grandad was like (I'd told him he'd died before we met up), wanting to know what I'd done recently that'd made me happy, and seeming impressed when I announced I have multiple podcasts. He even asked me to send him an episode so he could listen.
Compare that to a guy I matched with last year who decided he didn't want to date me because of my podcast...
After chatting by the lake for a while, he asked if I was hungry and then suggested a restaurant we could walk to. The conversation flowed between intense topics (religion and abortion) to light-hearted discussions around our favourite films and the kids in our lives.
When I got back from the toilet, he'd already paid. And he'd looked up the trains I needed to take home now we were in a different area of London to where we’d met.
On our walk to the tube station (I'd asked where the station was, he insisted on walking me to it), he asked if I'd like to go out again. I said yes.
Your Standards Have Never Been Too High, You Just Haven’t Met The Man That Meets Them (Yet)
And here's where things get better: since that first date, he's not only continued to message me daily, but he's continued to get to know me. The curiosity has continued, the questions, the answers, the interest in who I am and what I do. Historically, after a first date, the chat's instantly switched to "what are you doing today" or "how's your day been".
By Friday, date two had been planned and booked. By him.
Now the reason I'm telling you all this, is because I want you to see this as proof that these types of men exist.
Men who are considerate, respectful, intentional, thoughtful, kind, caring, generous, engaging. Men who put in the same amount of effort to date you as you do to date them.
Regardless of whether we end up together for the rest of our lives or we realise we're not for each other by date four (spoiler alert, we’ve been on 3 dates now), this experience has given me the evidence I needed to prove that my standards were never too high.
I've always believed in never settling yet, until now, I'd only ever learned about people like him from other people's stories. Now I have my own evidence that the type of man I desire to date exists.
And if he exists for me, he exists for you.
Dating Isn’t a Numbers Game For Me
I'm someone who's been classed as having high standards. I no longer give people a chance if they don't match my desires. I love my single life and I'm not willing to be with someone who doesn't enhance the life I have.
I swipe right on around 2-4 men out of every 100. Dating, for me, is not a numbers game. I have no interest in dating a tonne of people in the hopes my future husband will be one of them.
I date intentionally. I date with purpose. I date based on what they're putting out into the world (i.e. what's in their profile). And I date based on my standards.
My dating standards are based on what I desire, and what I believe I deserve. And I have the confidence to walk away from anything that doesn't match that. I refuse to settle for "ok" in any area of my life.
Since the disaster that was last year's dating experience, my standards became higher, I got clearer on my desires and I continued to build on my worthiness. So it's no accident that this is the type of man I'm dating now.
When you drown out the noise and the beliefs and the negative stories that flood your timeline...
When you get crystal clear on the behaviour you'll no longer tolerate from yourself and from the people around you...
When you claim the identity of the person you actually desire to be and you lovingly enforce boundaries, speak up and model how you deserve to be treated...
When you decide to become the love of your life so you can not only be the best partner to yourself, but in your future relationship too...
When you stop waiting for the perfect moment and decide to become the standard of your life...
...Then you'll start to see the evidence, the proof, that what you desire is possible.
Whether that's in your dating life, your career, your friendships - everything.
You were never made for "ok". You were never made to settle.
Which is exactly why I created The Standard Is You, a 12-week coaching programme designed to stop you feeling "behind" if you're not where you want to be, show you what it actually looks like to raise your standards, and become the love of your life in your 30s so you can feel calm, content and confident on a daily basis.
This is your invitation to step into the version of you who knows their worth, owns the life they’re living, and doesn’t settle for less than they deserve.
If you're done with dating Chads who ask for photos before you've met, ghost you after a week, put in zero effort to actually get to know you and think that inviting you to dinner at their place is an appropriate first date, this is for you.
Rebecca Hawkes is a Confidence Coach, content creator & podcaster dedicated to helping you step into your most powerful, unapologetic self so you can finally live your life feeling confident af throughout your 30s and beyond. It’s time for you to raise your standards and become the love of your life so you never settle for “ok” in any area of your life again. Sign up to BTS with Becka for your exclusive pass to my behind-the-scenes mindset shifts, confidence tips and real-life lessons.
I used to wonder if the kind of man I wanted to date even existed, or if I was just asking for too much. Whilst I very much believe my dream relationship exists, I’d never actually had my own proof that that was the case. But a recent Hinge match proved something powerful: it’s not about lowering your standards, it’s about holding them—and trusting that the right person will meet you there.